Maybe the lifestyle is not for us?

Posted on . In Swingers Questions

Being in the lifestyle  is not always easy. You can feel insecure, or have a question or problem you would like to have an answer on. Ask other swingers what they think and get the answers or tip you need. Do you have a question? Send an email to and find an anser in our category 'Swingers Questions'.  

Me and my wife have been discussing swinging for years, but we have not done anything yet.  The one issue that holds me back is that I dont know how I feel about if she wants multiple men and other females, because her rule is I am only to touch or to do anything with her. Is this a red flag that the lifestyle may not be right for us?

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+4 #1 Nakedintents 2016-12-22 19:43
Until you discuss all expectations and understand what she thinks will be okay for her, yes, this is a big red flag. Not knowing the specifics of what you have discussed, it's hard to say whether it's for you: does she want to be watched, does she want to watch, does she want to play hot wife games? Sounds like you're not fine with hot wife; discuss, discuss, discuss.
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+5 #2 Good4Life 2016-12-24 00:57
I agree with everything Nakedintents stated. Being curious about the Lifestyle is OK. But, the Lifestyle is not for everyone. Discuss and AGREE upon all aspects of what you, as a couple, are willing to do before coming in.
There are some "baby steps" that can be taken before diving into the Lifestyle. Send me an email and I will try to give you some ideas.

Be Well!
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+1 #3 Orlando 2017-01-26 01:10
Y'all started out doing the right thing by first putting some thoughts into getting involved in such a lifestyle. To make it work you must have your set of rules to start off with! But do know that those rules will fade as you go do to your getting more comfortable being with other and watch each other with other's.That could be jealousy you may be feeling and that you can't have in the lifestyle. If she like to have multiple men's and women's you must bd able to accept that with comfort and as a pleasure for her. Same go for her she must openly aloud you to enjoy the pleasure of another female and y'all always play together and in same room until that separate comfort level helpen. Just make sure there is plenty of communication between y'all about lifestyle and (Do Not! ) push one another to do anything that they are not comfortable with doing..... 2017 Is about trying something New... relax and have some safe fun.
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+2 #4 Riders8891 2017-02-12 18:46
As in all things worth doing there is uncertainty and doubt. The Lifestyle is not a fix for a relationship in trouble, in that scenario it would be a detriment. But, and as a number of marriage counsellors have stated, for strong/secure relationships, it can rejuvenate and refresh a marriage that has stability and a solid foundation. We've continued to have conversations about our activities within the Lifestyle concerning all aspects, done when we're on our own, NOT while we are with other couples, aka appropriate/ina ppropriate times. Communication about everything, regardless how trivial must be addressed. Rules are definitely needed, but if it becomes a grocery list, are you swinging or are you enforcing? You can 'what if' the hell out of any scenario, but you don't know until you are there. Also the people you get involve with are people, hopefully, you've had a meeting with to see if there is chemistry, what you do and don't do or like. And in closing incredible fantasies can become over whelming if rushed into headlong. Move forward at a comfortable pace and don't allow each other, or especially someone else pressure you into doing something you BOTH are not ready for or want. Play safe.
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