Why the reluctance for single men?

Posted on . In Swingers Questions


Being in the lifestyle is great and is wonderful to spice up your relationship. However, you might have a questions, issue or problem that you would like to have an answer on. Ask other swingers what they think and get the answers or tips you need by sending an email to media@sdc.com . We will publish your question and you can read the answers of other people in the lifestyle in our category 'Swingers Questions'. This time a question Tom has a question for youfrom a single men.

Hi  guys. My name is Tom. Me and the ex wife were very active in the lifestyle. Since my divorce I've been having trouble with that. A single female is often accepted everywhere, a single man however...
How can I make clear that I know the lifestyle and I'm not aggressive in pursuing women and that I am not a thread or some weirdo? Our mutual former swingers friends try to help me by taking me with them to clubs, but that already is problematic. Most of the times I am not even allowed in. So again, what to do/say?

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+1 #21 BuffySwing 2017-06-30 22:36
You all seem to have it wrong except RobG - the life style has many variations. To each their own, as he said. Single guys are very popular in the LS - that's why we have MFM and hotwifing as 'things' that people do.

Sometimes a woman wants to have more than 1 guy at a time, and a man who is secure in his relationship will help her achieve her fantasy. We have done it, and seeing your wife like that, in orgasm heaven, is amazing. And in similar fashion, she loves to see me with her and another woman, whether that woman is bi (a real plus!) or not.

The problem is, too many guys get all arrogant or pushy, and ruin it for the rest of the single males.
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+2 #22 IfOnly137 2017-07-02 23:41
I am looking for someone with experience and stamina that will help me with my girlfriend. I'm paralyzed with very little use of my hands still we have toys and she is highly sexual, so its not enough. I would like to talk to someone beforehand and tell them what I would do if I could, the limits of which there are very few. As long as the person understand that I'm going to be involved its my show . The point is to give her everything that she desires and more.
We've tried to do this with people we know but the guy is usually awkward and have a complex or don't listen and she's left wanting more. .. , which is kind of pointless. If we take the time to set everything up and get rid of kids Etc then she should be only able to sleep by the time you leave., So yes I'm looking for somebody with experience and not afraid to do what I want and what she wants and I think the only place to really find that is with somebody that has experience in the lifestyle she will but she's not excited about having another woman in the mix just because it's distracting. besides I can't do much anyway. So there is a market out there for single guys in the lifestyle just have to find the right match .
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+1 #23 _Jay_ 2017-07-16 20:11
Hi Tom.

I am a man, in a happy same-sex relationship. Shock-horror, I'm mostly gay but I have a kinky thing for having fun with the wife of a swinger couple, so I also know how you feel as a 'solo' man. My experience has been the following as far as meeting people directly from a website: Most people will reject you because you are too much of this and not enough of that. Very rarely have I succeeded at meeting a couple directly from here, in fact only twice. However, when my partner and I go to a certain resort, where the gay-sex and the man/woman swinger sex are roughly in the same areas, and you tend to meet people in the flesh, things are a bit different. People's psychology probably changes depending on the heat of the moment. At least 2 times out of 5, I have been with a m/f couple in a busy swingers' club. I'm sure you look reasonably good and if you grind your teeth and go to a swingers' club (I don't know where you are) or a house party, and you talk to people, and just be yourself, people will open up to you. I know it's easier said than done but the way I try to think about it is, "I'll go there, I'll have a cpl of drinks, I'll say 'hi' to people and if nobody speaks to me, I'll have a nice soak at the jacuzzi and then go back to my partner". In other words, try not to have sex as an end in itself. In the end you will 'score' (I don't mean it in a philistine way, but you get my point I hope)
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