How to introduce my vanilla girlfriend to swinging

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I have been in the lifestyle for a few years now as a single guy. I met a great girl a few months ago and our relationship is going really well. However, she doesn't know that I was involved in the Lifestyle.

I really would like to experience the Lifestyle with her, but I'm not sure how to bring it up. Please advise.


+22 #1 Ron 2015-02-17 18:25
First question, is the lady open minded about other things? Assuming you are having sex, is she open to trying different things with you? If you were to take her to see 50 Shades, how would she respond?

Are you prepared to either get out of this hobby, or walk away from her is says no way? Do you really love her.

This could be a relationship breaker.

I would take her to see 50 Shades. Afterwards, go for dinner or drinks and discuss various sexual activities, gays/lesbians, bisexuality, mention you have friends that are swingers, see how she reacts. But it is not yet time for you to tell her about your history.

Do not push if she resists in the slightest, and finds different sexual behavior offensive. She may be crazy in bed with you, but that does not mean she approves of any other sexual behavior.

You need to decide what is really important to you and if she is worth making changes in your life.
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-14 #2 John 2015-02-17 22:31
This is what worked for me ... johnsthreesome
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-7 #3 Rob 2015-02-18 09:28
I faced the same problem and got some very helpful advice here: swingwithyourwife
Good luck!
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+13 #4 Dano 2015-02-19 05:59
My first wife introduced me to swinging in 1993, she was straight forward and said we needed to spice things up. I am military retired and frankly she said I was too tight. We started out with a 3some, MMF, then she returned the favor with another 3some FFM. Then we got to know couples. The thing she stressed the most was to talk about the experience, be honest and if anyone wanted to say no thanks then that is what it was. She passed away in 2009 from great cancer, the most gorgeous very hot latina anyone would ever want to meet. In 2011 I met a girl, online dating.We started to get serious so we sat down one afternoon and I told her about my "shady" past and i wanted a partner who would go down that road with me. I was honest and told her everything I knew and her words were "sounds like fun, let's do it together." And we have. There is an old saying, "beware of what you ask for it may come true." I didn't know my new wife was going to turn into the Queen of Sheba at parties but what the heck. It's fun, it's sex and not love. It's a great time, great friends. Just be honest.
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+4 #5 Dano 2015-02-19 06:01
BTW, 50 shades sucks. Nothing like the real thing.
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+5 #6 Fides 2015-02-19 10:42
Be honest. Always. And be who you are. If you are a swinger, and you are into the lifestyle, that's probably a part of what defines you, who you are. No matter how much you love someone, it will be part of you.

What you have to decide for yourself is if you are willing to give up this part of yourself for love. If you can, than you can cope and choose for your new girlfriend if she doesn't want to swing. If you can't, you know what to do if she doesn't want it. You have to be happy too, and she won't be happy either if you aren't.

If she is into it, or wants to try, lucky you! Take it easy, step by step, and give her the lead.

I recently met an amazing lady and I told her right away about my lifestyle and my wishes. Luckily she was very open about it and very curious. The idea excites her and we decided to go explore together. This saturday we are going to the Fun4Two together :).

Have fun, and stay true to yourself and be honest!
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-10 #7 Jalief 2015-02-19 17:30
Shame on you! You're not worth your girlfriend! Remember this lifestyle is only suitable for steady relationships. Find out first if she's the one for you. Not only the sexual part, but more the emotional aspects. I think you'r not gonna make it...
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+2 #8 Dave & Helen 2015-02-19 21:42
I had had a few lifestyle experiences with my first wife and after we divorced wanted to find a new partner who wanted an interesting sex life. So when I met Helen, I asked her what her biggest sexual fantasy was. She replied that a threesome with two men might be fun so I then asked her if she knew anyone who might be up for it. It so happened she did and things progressed from there.

There are lots of ways to broach the subject without giving away too much but, at some stage, you will need to be totally honest if your relationship is going to be strong.
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+10 #9 Ed 2015-02-25 12:16
Jalief, really! Who the hell are you to be calling "shame" on someone you don't even know who is searching for information. Judgemental b****!
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0 #10 Alberto 2015-02-26 22:15
Hay gente que en español me pueda dar algún consejo para ir introduciendo a mi esposa en el mundo swinger? Ya lo hemos conversado y si acepto acompañarme en mis fantasías, pero va muy poco a poco y no quisiera presionarla, pero a la vez ya quisiera que realizáramos esta experiencia!
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+2 #11 Roberto 2015-02-27 00:51
Quoting Alberto:
Hay gente que en español me pueda dar algún consejo para ir introduciendo a mi esposa en el mundo swinger? Ya lo hemos conversado y si acepto acompañarme en mis fantasías, pero va muy poco a poco y no quisiera presionarla, pero a la vez ya quisiera que realizáramos esta experiencia!

Hola Alberto. Mi esposa y yo estamos en esto desde hace 23 años, y te puedo decir que nuestra pasión mutua es como de novios, gracias a la libertad sexual.
Es verdad, sin embargo, que esto no es para todos. Mi consejo es que seas franco, pero a la vez lo maduro suficiente para aceptar su decisión. Si la presionas, lo arruinas. Si esperas a que se decida, posiblemente no suceda.
Véndele la idea, sé creativo, arregla algo, sorpréndela, pero debes estar preparado por si no funciona. Lamentablemente no hay una regla infalible. Buena suerte.
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-1 #12 Jaime 2015-03-05 18:55
Quoting Alberto:
Hay gente que en español me pueda dar algún consejo para ir introduciendo a mi esposa en el mundo swinger? Ya lo hemos conversado y si acepto acompañarme en mis fantasías, pero va muy poco a poco y no quisiera presionarla, pero a la vez ya quisiera que realizáramos esta experiencia!

Yo creo que la mayoria comenzamos de esa manera, y esto como dicen no es para todos pero habla con ella abiertamente, para que pudeas ver si ella tambien quiere algo similar, comiense con algo suave si es que se da. te dejo mi correo jrestradarivera en gmail punto com
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+1 #13 Henry 2015-03-11 17:09
A lot of opinions and even judgements.
I don't think there's a single solution. I met my girlfriend 6 months ago and never experienced this lifestyle before (neither did she).
We are now enjoying it very much and our relationship: is steady, stays steady and even makes it better (loving eachother more and more). So refering to another respons; When is the right time? When is there a steady relation?
Swinging is (I think) all about how you look at it, experience it and how you talk about it, but most of all; How you feel about it!
I think not everybody is suitable to life this lifestyle. You have to be openminded, you have to feel it has nothing to do with something you miss in the relation, or the other person. It's something that adds something to the relationship and should feel that way.
I'm an very honest guy. No secrets to my girlfriend; everything in the open. When there is judgement; That's what it is. Does she leave me for it; That's what is is.
I would say: Be honest, follow your hart and if she is really the girl you should share your life with, then the sharing will be ok!
And maybe there will be a moment she likes to explore this lifestyle with you ;-)
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+1 #14 MENN6 2015-03-12 16:58
What many already said in previous posts.
Be honest, make sure to communicate openly and often. Especially after the first time.

If she's open to the idea and want to try it, make sure you start communicating openly and freely about feelings, uncertainties, doubts, jealous feelings etc.
Many bad feelings start with doubts about feelings the other partner might have.
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+3 #15 Karen 2015-03-15 19:55
I am engaged and my fiancé intrroduced me to this. I was very apprehensive but really enjoyed having multiple hands all over me, and found asking if they could do X to me very very appealing. We have officially swung a few times and for me, it was always fine as long as I was at least the initial center of attention. If my guy didn't pay attention to me FIRST, then I became very jealous. Don't judge me. Just being honest as I think women can be into it, and actually really enjoy it, but at least for me there is a sequence and making sure her feelings and ego are taken care of are important. Hope this helps.
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0 #16 Aiz 2015-03-18 14:00
All of the above is great advice. In addition, first, estimulate the mind and plant the idea,

then nurture it and let is sit still so it hopefully sprouts - listen, respect, and follow your own rules set by both,

lastly enjoy a limited numbers of days, months, year, or even decades of lifestyle exciting experiences that will last a lifetime ;)

Check out this amazing TED Talk:

Christopher Ryan: Are we designed to be sexual omnivores?
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