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How can we meet partners for safe play...

- In Swingers questions

Latex glovesIn the section 'My question is...' you can ask any questions or get advice from other swingers. All you need to do is email media@sdc.com with your question and we will publish it. Today we received the following question:

Hi! We are brand new and discovering men do not like to use dental dams to perform cunnilingus nor have a condom for fellatio. This has been a deal breaker in all attempted connections (glad we were able to speak openly about it). We are fine with using our hands for direct hot oil massages but prefer latex gloves on hands that enter vaginas or anuses - again something folks have not been willing to do. We prefer condoms covering any sex toys, too.
How can we meet partners who are interested in our level of safe play?

Comments   

 
+14 #1 John T. 2012-07-08 07:58
"safe play"? You must be wanting to play doctor because what you are wanting does not sound anything like sex, but good luck to you.
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+9 #2 Name changed by moderator 2012-07-08 12:06
We haven't meet any couples who practicing such extreme safety...oral sex without protection but penetration with condoms...don't see any point to swing then.... Better watch porn and masturbate?..go od luck
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+8 #3 Fred 2012-07-08 15:26
Check out SDC recent blog on using protection during oral. 91% of members USE NO protection during oral sex, 8% use sometimes and 1% use ALWAYS... you are fighting an uphill battle.
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+6 #4 bethandwood 2012-07-08 20:22
All you can do is be honest in your profile about what you will and won't do, and hope that you find others with the same level of safety-consciou sness. I think as long as it is discussed up front, long before everyone is undressed, you'll be able to find some willing partners. This is not something that should be divulged for the first time in the heat of the moment, or it will likely be a deal breaker.

I wish you the best of luck in your search and your play
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+4 #5 Ron 2012-07-09 02:30
If you want to be in this lifestyle, then you need to accept that pitfalls and the risks. There are risks to everything that is sexual outside the activity with your spouse. Finding someone that uses protection during oral sex is 99.9% impossible, and frankly, you should not be doing this if you have this much concern.

Is this for health risks, or for your male ego? In other words, do you have a problem with your wife giving another man oral sex, so with protection, she is not really touching his penis?

The best thing to do is get to know your potential play partners, finding those that feel similar to you about this. This will take time, and keep your playtime to a real minimume. But that is OK.
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+2 #6 Lucky Charms 2012-07-09 12:37
Sounds like you two want to play "Doctor & Nurse" instead of having hot sex! Really, are you THAT worried? You probably shouldn't be in this lifestyle then......
We have ourselves blood tested about every three months. This is a good measure, not only to put us at ease, but others also. We do ask cpls this question, "How often are you tested for HIV & STDs?" before we play.
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+1 #7 Ron 2012-07-09 15:15
Forgot to ask, what is your attitude about kissing?

You need to be very specific in your profile about your requirements. I can understand that part about latex gloves for anus penetrations, stretch that a bit to condoms on the fingers for manual vaginal penetration. But by the time everyone prepares, the mood will just be gone.

But still, same response as everyone else, perhaps this is not a lifestyle for you.
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0 #8 Tiff 2012-07-10 16:03
Remember not all women can handle latex, self speaking. I have to have partners use non latex... And maybe you should carry it on you if you want them to use it.. I do!!
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-1 #9 laughinglovers 2012-07-16 01:06
You're trying to play a contact sport without contact, not sure how many playmates you'll find, and it doesn't sound very fun. LS risks can be kept at a minimum without such measures, but you have to find your own comfort level and we don't judge. All you can do is be honest with your expectations and you may find a few compatible partners.
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+4 #10 Fine409 2012-07-16 19:09
I appreciate your concern for safety, and identify with some of your concerns. I think they key is to find a couple of similar mindset, and then keep it it mutually exclusive for a while.
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0 #11 justfor4 2012-07-21 05:42
Hi, I am also a bit paranoid, maybe we can meet up
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-3 #12 himandhermake4 2012-07-21 06:43
The sad reality: "We (as a married couple??) have ourselves testd evry 3 mos". I got married to avoid the possibility of contracting ANYTHING, and shouldn't have to sacrifice my SAFETY for FUN. Don't hate on these ppl, infection is not the risk we should have to run. I applaud your efforts to keep at least your HEALTH sanctimonious, since our marriage vows (you know, forsaking, blah blah) aren't ;). While the latex gloves are a bit creeeepeeee, why wouldn't anyone use a condom on a toy, if you plan on sharing?? Duh, if you use a condom on ur own penis to avoid bodily fluid, why would i want those same fluids in me from a toy??? And have we all forgotten that herpes IS spread thru saliva? Unsafe sex is a total turn off...this is NOT porn, ppl, this is REAL LIFE. Good sex does NOT EQUAL great risk. Love the life, guess I have just been fortunate enuf to find ppl who love their life even more. Drop the gloves, and happy hunting.
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0 #13 darkchocolate 2012-07-21 17:54
WOW!! THis is an incredible blog. My mate and I were just discussing safety practices and we talked about dental dams and condoms for oral sex. I enjoy myself, but also don't want to have to think about how clean the next couple may be due to unprotected oral play. In case you didn't know you can also contract diseases from oral sex. I like to have fun but will not compromise my health for a few hours of pleasure and a lifetime of pain. I applaud you for writing this blog. There are still some safe couples because the world is full of infections whether you are in the LS or not. I will just have to find like minded couples.
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0 #14 dave 2012-07-24 21:49
I hate to bring this up but I just went through treatment for oropharyngeal cancer. We had been active in the LS for 15 yrs. My doctors told me since I was always a non smoker that it was likely caused by the human papillomavirus -- HPV, the sexually transmitted virus best known as a cause of cervical cancer and genital warts.
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+1 #15 Mi 2012-07-30 10:53
It has always been a concern for me and i have been always wondered how whats the point of using a condom at all if you don't use it during oral sex. The possibility to catch a sexual transmitted disease is exactly the same as through vaginal contact.and this is a FACT!
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