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Are we over reacting?

- In Swingers questions

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Friends with benefits... or no longer friends at all? We received an email from a couple who are confused and need some advice. Do you want help, suggestions or advice about the swingers lifestyle? Just send an email to media@sdc.com. And now... this weeks question. Feel free to share your thoughts.

We are VERY new to the lifestyle (since Feb 2016) and we have met two couples who want to make friends and if the benefits come...thats great. They both have 'erotic' emails in their profiles. And my wife enjoys those and has shared these emails with the other couples 'male' companion.  Well, the males have enjoyed these emails, fed the fire and gotten pretty hot and bothered.  However, upon sharing these with their significant others, well lets just say that didn't go over very well. And needless to say, the friendship 'cooled' right off.  

Excuse

We did still get together with these couples-one we played with (who then wanted to make another date-but never did) and one we spent a platonic weekend with-had a great time and they initiated the next date...and then when the date cane around-made an excuse not to meet up. 

We're having a hard time understanding this. Both couples want to make lasting friendships but cant be honest with you. We are considering 'dropping out' of the lifestyle cause this just seems to weird.  

Are we over reacting? Is this how couples relate? Just having trouble navigating this whole thing. Can you shed some light on this?

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Comments   

 
+8 #1 Roger Roger 2016-05-23 04:04
Rejection and learning to handle it properly is a very big part of the lifestyle. You will face constant rejection for different reasons with or without explanation. The only person you need to fight for acceptance us the person next to you in the journey i.e wife, gf, lifer partner. Don't bother finding a reason for why they have decide to pass on you just keep.on moving fwd to meet the next.couple .. there are a lot of people out there that are available and ready to have fun and that will be a better match for you
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+8 #2 Jandchellie 2016-05-23 19:19
Don't give up on the lifestyle just because you met 2 weird couples. Not every couple you meet has it together. Everyone has a little bit of drama, you just have to be patient in finding the right couple for you.
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0 #3 Raleighcouple71 2016-05-24 09:47
You will find that you will have fare more friends in the life style then the benefits part. And I feel that is good. Give it time and you will find out more.
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+3 #4 DND3187 2016-05-25 05:56
As we say in our profile, not every meeting ends up in a physical benefit. None of us are perfect and not everyone is going to be attracted to us or you. Take it slow. We have had very little luck at planned meet and greets with new people we don't know yet. It feels awkward to us. Our best times have been spontaneous meetings at resorts, clubs, house parties, etc. You talked about erotic emails not going off too well. A good rule of thumb is only contact between the husbands and only contact between the wives. This is a great base to start at until you know more people and get more experienced. This will keep you from crossing other people's boundaries. One more thing, we have had great times with people that we immediately lost contact with. Some we had been together with more than a few times then poof, they were gone. Like Roger said above, don't spend too much time trying figure out why, just look forward. Ok, one more thing, COMMUNICATE with your partner. Be honest about what you like and dislike. Be honest with you partner about what either of you might have done wrong to turn others off. Learn, grow, move forward.
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+1 #5 Threelogy 2016-05-25 12:47
I think you are over reacting and I guess is ok as you are new to this. The term swingers has such a wide range of meaning. Truth is swingers are not what the general public imagines of us. We have been in the LS on and off for about eight years now. This time around we got back in to a it about two years now. The most important thing I would say at least for us is to have fun meet people make new friends. The sex part just comes natural. Make sure that you and your spouse are having fun. All of in the LS have different wants and needs. For example for some it could be about sex. For others they are looking for more of a connection a friendship. For another it could be about just having fun in a none sexual way. Just have fun don't force things worry about you and respect all boundaries. You should also be upfront with couples you meet as to what it is you are looking forward. This way you don't spend valuable time and energy. My spouse and I have our rules and sometimes we bent them if we find the others super attractive lol. But 98% we stick to this rules and this is what works for us. Trust me you will run into this scenario more often then not. But you will also meet great people that are comparable to you and will make some great friends.
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0 #6 mypartygirl 2016-06-02 01:17
Friendships between vanilla couple are hard enough and then add, your husband is going to have sex with his wife. Yea, I know that's what they signed up for, but lots of people still have lots of hang-ups. We have had it happen to us twice over a five year period, where we were meeting experienced couples, they showed up, talked for a while, they made and an excuse and left. We could not figure out what we did wrong. We found out later, once from one of the husbands and the second from a friend of a friend that both wives had the same problem. My wife is very attractive and likes dressing provocatively. Their husbands were basically paying to much attention to her and the wives didn't like it.
As was stated before, communicate with your partner, what works and what doesn't. We are quite a bit different than when we started. We love where we are, but that doesn't mean we won't change in a year or two. Keep talking. Make sure each other are happy and don't worry to much about other reactions.
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