It was to be about the both of us, not her alone...

Posted on . In Swingers Questions

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Being in the lifestyle  is not always easy. You can feel insecure, or have a question or problem you would like to have an answer on. Ask other swingers what they think and get the answers or tip you need. Do you have a question? Send an email to media@sdc.com and find the anser in our category 'Swingers Questions'. This time: 'It was to be about the both of us... what to do?'  

My wife and I are new to the lifestyle, we have never played with anyone. We just got into the lifestyle looking for a mfm, fmf, or couples full swap. We were talking to couples and singles. We chatted with one guy and they liked each other just by chatting and seeing each other's pics. He wanted to meet us, but we didn't have a baby sitter so he asked if she could go alone to see if they clicked. I decided to let her go, and she ended up sleeping with him outside a parking lot in the car. She said she was just going to meet him to find out if he was the one to do a mfm. She said it was good and that she was ready for us to do it. He turned to say he doesn't do mfm. It upsets me that she acted alone without my consent and slept with him. She said 'too bad' and there is nothing we could do anymore. But I'm still upset about it.
What can I do? What advise can you give me? This was suppose to be about both of us not just one of us. 

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+1 #1 FT 2016-11-30 10:36
Be weary is what you should do. If she went that far without talking to you and is that insensitive to your feelings about it, she'll do it again.
You can do one of two things or both. 1 is watch her and she if she's into the lifestyle for both or just for her. 2 is you can decide to play alone too. What's good for the goose is good for the gander
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+24 #2 Club3X 2016-11-30 19:54
As far as I am concerned that is NOT swinging that is called CHEATING... In a swinging situation ALL parties are OK with what is going on before, during and after. Unless you agreed to an open relationship where she or you can go and do whatever you want with whom ever then that is a big NO.
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-12 #3 Solo 2016-12-08 21:12
The moment you told her to go on a date alone, you gave her the implicit permission. According to you they were in the chat that guy and liked both. you knew that could happen and she was already eager to do it. The problem is that you would have liked to be there but you can not do anything anymore. The bad thing is that the guy does not want to do the MFM.
Set the rules clear and move on. Remember in this style of life the women are the most important, they are the ones that most enjoy. But the key is have rules.
It was a mistake, now move forward. good luck and forget that bad moment. Is your wife and you have a family.
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+6 #4 Ron 2016-12-17 22:55
I would never let my wife go into a situation like that without me, and I also would never go alone without her. The temptation is to great to resist if the two meeting hit it off.
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+1 #5 JL 2017-05-30 05:51
Well totally agree with Club3x, that's CHEATING, and I when also thru some situation like that, unfortunately I when to a meet and greet few months a go with my other half to meet another couple there, they show up, but never was a chance to get closer to say hi, well few weeks later the other couple wife contact me by text to let me know that she find out that her husband was meeting with my wife very frequently..... behind let us know... CHEATERS... now they are separated and I'm getting divorced, sad situation but can't find out another way to handle this.
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